


Goodbye Letters

by BowtiesDeerstalkersTrenchcoats



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Implied Character Death, Letters, M/M, Sam Winchester (implied) - Freeform, angsty, quite short
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-21
Updated: 2017-02-22
Packaged: 2018-09-01 07:16:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 878
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8614675
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BowtiesDeerstalkersTrenchcoats/pseuds/BowtiesDeerstalkersTrenchcoats
Summary: Castiel and Dean weren't the best at goodbyes, here are their last goodbyes to each other.





	1. To Dean. From Castiel.

Dean.

It’s not a good way to start a letter, but if you’re reading this, I’m dead. I know that whenever or wherever I died, I still left too much unsaid. You were my first true friend, Dean. You showed me how to be human, as strange as that may sound. The first time we went on a case, it was the happiest moment of my life. You brought so much to my life, to me. 

Whatever happens after this, I hope you are happy. I hope you live a fulfilling life, and when it’s time, I hope you go down fighting. I hope that in heaven, you see everyone again and smile. And above all, I hope that you don’t miss me. I am one of the worst people to be friends with. I’m disloyal, unsympathetic, unkind, self-loathing and especially selfish. I was selfish of you, Dean. I wanted to be with you, I wanted to always feel how I felt with you, accepted. I really did. 

I would sometimes daydream about if we ever stayed in one place, if we had met under different circumstances. If you had shouted me a drink in a bar, if you had insisted on paying for a mirror I clumsily smashed, if you’d leave me notes in my letterbox telling me that you thought I was cute. 

But I guess, now that I’m gone, I can say that I really loved you, Dean. I loved you the moment I saw those marvellous green eyes. Although the worst thing, was not knowing whether you loved me back. I could never bring up the courage to ask you. It was very human of me, but I should have noticed earlier. The way you looked at me. The way you always cared for me, even if it wasn’t obvious. The way Sam rolled his eyes when we looked at each other. The way you never gave up on me in Purgatory, even though it was impossible for me to come with you. But I didn’t notice. I was worried, if I came and told you how I felt, you would push me away. But if I can promise you anything, I promise you that I know that you loved me back. Even if you still won’t admit it. Your soul shines as brightly as a thousand stars when I'm around, and even when I was human, your soul shone though your eyes. 

Now I know you’ll miss me. I know you’ll want revenge. Because that’s who you are, but if you really loved me Dean, please don’t. I spent my life surrounded by violence, violence that however hard I tried, I couldn’t stop it. I don’t want any more blood to be spilt because of me. You always said I was bad at good-byes, and this isn’t really an exception. I’ll just leave you with this: For so long, I asked God to give me a sign, a sign he still cared for us and was still watching over us. But he did give me a sign. It was you. Dean Winchester. My saviour.

Enjoy life, Dean.

Castiel.


	2. To Castiel. From Dean.

Cas.

It was never meant to end this way. I don’t know where you are, or who you’re with when you’re reading this, but it’s not with me. I tried never to imagine the end for us. For me, for you, for Sammy. I say end, I mean the very end. Never coming back end. But when I did, I always imagined it as us all dying together. Going down fighting. It never really came to me that we could be split up, I’m sorry I had to leave you. Please trust me when I say that I never wanted it to end like this.

It’s been a wild ride for us. You, me and Sammy, we’ve all been through so much. Sometime I think about all the things that have lead me here, every choice I’ve made has got me here, but what if I hadn’t? What if yellow-eyes never took a shine to my little brother? What would have happened then? Would the Winchesters be a happy family with Sunday roasts and movie nights? What about Bobby, Ellen, Jo, Ash, Kevin, Charlie, Adam and all the others? Would they all still be alive? But I guess, I would never have met you.

That’s the thing. I’m so selfish that even if I could start over, I would have still made the same choices, all those people would have died just so I could meet you. I never believed in love at first sight, hell, I didn’t know if I believed in love. Sure, I loved Sammy and Bobby but I felt something different, Wow, I sound sappy. Whether I told you or not, I just want to say that I love you, Cas, and I always will. 

Look after yourself, please. I don’t mind what you do after this, whether you want to save people and hunt things, or if you want to start a used car dealership, I don’t care, as long as you are safe and happy. That’s really all I ever wanted for all of us. 

I love you, Cas. You mean everything to me and you always will.

Dean.


End file.
